Most likely, you all know me as Celeste Harte, the writer and author of DRAGON BONES: CONQUEST.
However, a few of you may also (or exclusively) know me as Rebecca Brown, an artist and illustrator of book covers, character drawings, and all things artsy.
However, if I really chose to open up for a minute, you would know I also crochet pretty well, I’m a knitting novice, I dabble in 3D art, I’m a good dancer, I’m working on posting a comic book on Webtoons, and I know some basics on coding, but I’m learning more because I decided I want to make video games. I’m also fluent in three languages, but I can hold a conversation in about six.
Why don’t I ever talk about these things?
Growing up Black in a white town, I’m used to people being intimidated by me.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out. I’ve always felt like I made people uncomfortable. And no, no one called me the “N” Word, but let me tell you something. Racism is quiet.
When people stare at your hair, follow you in literally every store, give you crappy service in restaurants because they don’t think you can afford eating there, you get the message.
Even my so called friends, when I talked about things I was good at, they were polite. They gave a small smile and a stiff, “that’s cool”, but I could already feel it made them uncomfortable. I see it a lot on Twitter, too. People get uncomfortable with Black girls bragging.
So I got used to shutting up. Letting other people talk about themselves and their accomplishments, while playing down my own to make the other person feel better. If I mentioned them at all.
So what’s changed that’s made me talk about it now?
Well, I got involved in the writing community, and I made some friends that didn’t flinch at the things I was good at. They made me feel comfortable talking about what I loved to do. They made me feel special.
Do I feel like everyone is like that? No. I still feel the same way about sharing all of myself with just anybody. But I’m sharing myself now because I wanted to validate anyone that may be feeling similarly. And because I feel like I’m in a place where I can share myself with people that can appreciate it. And for the others that are still uncomfortable, I have enough friends to not have to care ✌🏾
When you’re used to stepping aside and letting someone else take the spotlight, you start to think you’re in the sidelines because you deserve to be there. And you forget that you’re there because you stepped aside.
You deserve to be able to take up space instead of always minimizing yourself to make room for others. Don’t confuse others being intimidated by you for your lack of ability.
I will repeat it because it deserves repeating.
Take. Up. Space.
I’m not even saying you always have a space to entirely be yourself, because it can be hard to find. Trust me, I know. But I just wanted to remind you that you’re much stronger and more talented than you think. Sometimes you even forget. But don’t forget what you deserve, even if people won’t give it to you ♥
That emotional rant over, I’ve gotten tired of not talking about the other parts of myself on this blog, and I’m going to start doing it.
To avoid confusion, if you know me as Celeste, you can keep calling me that, and same goes for if you know me as Rebecca. I’ll maintain my separate accounts, but I’ll repost my art on my writing account and vice versa more. And now you know it’s all me lol.
If you want to follow my art account here are my links:
I can’t wait to start talking more about language learning, art struggles, and other things that make this blog feel a little more like a place I can be myself.
Catch you later ✌🏾